I think I thought of everything once but I forgot to write it down.

Fourteen yellowish gophers went fishing on Monday.
One of them fell in and was never seen again. The other thirteen went to a bar and got drunk. On the way home they hit a groundhog killing it instantly.
Since the groundhog was dead, the people of Punxsutawney hired an imposter instead.

Are you still reading this? I can't believe it. Its a story about a dead rodent. Sicko.